Appreciation or Attachment?

One of my best friends is a follower of the "Secret" philosophy (for the uninitiated, see their official website). In fact, he is getting so in tune with the teachings and exponents of The Secret, that I wouldn't be surprised at all if he is recognized as a master soon! 


Why this preamble? Indeed, because my narrative spins off of a "teaching" that he sent me and another of our close friends. It talked about the feelings of appreciation and gratitude versus attachment. It has set me thinking. The gist of the thought was that one must learn to distinguish between appreciation and attachment. We should be grateful for and appreciative  of all the things that enrich our life, but we must refrain from feeling attached to them. Sounds beautiful, ideal, simple and yet, I find it difficult to digest in some inexplicable way.


I do agree with the precept when it concerns things in our life that are considered luxuries.  For example, we must never let ourselves be attached to our riches, our money. Enjoy them, yes, we must! We should also be thankful for them, but not indulge in them to the extent that if we don't have it tomorrow, we find ourselves in the darkest deepest abyss of despair. The thought naturally extends to all our worldly possessions too. 


In explanatory justification of this principle, the authors (and my two dear friends) cited the fact that if we are too attached to a thing or person, we instantly have fears of losing it. This leads us to be in constant agony instead of appreciating the value of that thing or person in our life. Just like the principle itself, this sounds ideal and beautiful, yet I beg to differ a little. Per my point above, I do agree this might be true about all the luxuries and comforts in our lives - the things. But people, I believe are a different category altogether. I cannot bring myself to understand how we can just be appreciative of a person (a loved one) without being attached to them.


Here's a concrete example - everyday in our lives, we interact with many people. We know people at work, we have friends (some more than others) and we have families. I have a great team at work - and I really appreciate being a part of it. I appreciate that my bosses are understanding, intelligent and encouraging; and my team is healthy and helpful. However, I would be stretching reality if I said I was attached to them. I definitely am thankful, but equally definitely am not attached. Now contrast that with my family - my mom, dad, sister and my best friends (the very friends I have mentioned above!). Do you see the difference? Isn't there a fundamental change in reality somewhere? I am not only grateful for them, but I feel attached to them, because they have shaped me in some way at some point, they have influenced me, and their presence contributes to complete my existence as I know and understand it. I cannot classify this feeling as just gratefulness, its definitely something beyond and akin to attachment. 


Of course I will despair if I lose any of them! And that, I think, is the essence of loving. What is love if passion is missing from it? Love arising out of gratefulness is true, but so is the love you feel for someone that you cannot think of losing! And in my opinion, I am actually thankful that I can distinguish the two and yet feel both. I wouldn't ever want to give up my attachment to my loved ones, just because that would cause me less pain one day. Well, to put it frankly, I think if we can't feel pain about anything or anyone in life, we have ceased to be humans.


And finally, I feel like a mention of that "fear of losing" is a good place to conclude. For the same people that I cited above, though I cannot think of ever losing any one of them, I can confidently say that I am never in constant fear of losing them! That apparently is the source of all misery and doom when you attach yourself. I have a different story to tell, from my own experience. Maybe I am not as effective as the Secret, but yes, I do want this side to be heard as well :) My appreciation for these special people in my life springs from my attachment, and I feel blessed each day that I have all of them with me.


My friend quoted the ultimate reality from the "Bhagwad Geeta", where Lord Krishna says - nothing is permanent and one day, all that is good or bad will end - and so long as we know and accept the ephemeral nature of our and others' existence, I do think we should be able to feel both appreciation and attachment for at least one special person in our life :)