My Enemies

Its as much our enemies that define us as our friends.

I don't know who said that or even that it was said in exactly those words; nevertheless, I think I've understood it that way. I've been pondering over this for ... (here - I'd like to say "some time now" - just to make it sound cool you see ;), but ...) for a little over an hour probably! And like many other things they teach you to learn to get organized, I decided: What better way to organize this thought than to write about it - make a list?

So here goes... I solemnly declare that the following are my enemies... they keep pulling me down, nagging me, troubling me, and I just don't seem to see the end of them.

1. Procrastination
Isn't that a fancy word for "laziness"?! Well, yeah, laziness :) I am incredibly lazy. I don't like doing things that I don't have to... until tomorrow :) My number one enemy - really - my nemesis.

Do I have to blog? Nope - its not necessary or essential - well I'll do it tomorrow, or maybe the day after, or maybe... as they say, tomorrow never really comes! Look at the frequency with which I write: an article or two the first two months, then a romantic gesture for a really special loved one, and now this after two whole months. Case in point!

Everyday I get up, I think - today I'll call X. Today I'm going to pay taxes. Today I'm going to go to the gym. Today I'm going to write to Y. Today I'm going to ... well, you get it! The To-Do list is endless. And no points for guessing what I have left on it by the end of today! Its probably grown a bit or two :)

Don't get me wrong - I'm no procrastinator when it comes to work. I'm pretty good at it, and I like it, so I do it well, and on time :) But there's also the teeny-tiny factor that it pays me, that's how I satiate my hunger every day, and so I've got to do it no matter what - that keeps me from procrastinating there.

I also try to get out of it everyday. I even succeed for a day or two - or a week - or a month. But then there's always the excuse of too much work. Or too much travel. Or too much something. I simply don't know how to surmount it once and for all. It's like - that's who I am - which is strange because it follows from transitivity that I'm my own nemesis. I wonder if that's universally true :)

2. Digression
When I was little, studying in school, I was known for my concentration and focus. Other kids tried to fathom it (or at least, their parents did!). Now I wonder if it was really me - or if it was only the effect of the fact that as a kid, all one really has to do is to focus on grades and staying out of trouble! Yeah - I'm pretty good at that :)

What I see as my enemy now is the fact that I've grown up to become this independent individual who has to balance a ton of activities and stay focused. What am I talking about? Everything. I digress a lot - in thought and in action. I find it difficult to focus on one thing, get it over with, and then move on to the next. Its like all To-Dos stare at me and vie for my attention, and the silly mind that I have, actually tries to give them all their share.

Everyday I fight a war with this enemy of mine. I'm paying my electricity bill. Oh wait, isn't my credit card bill due too? Well, I'd better check. Aah well, that's a lot of money I spent. Let me make sure my bank has enough balance to pay it off. Bank! I've got to deposit that check my friend gave me for the money he owes me (a month ago, by the way - there, I digress even when writing - its official!). My sister's asked to join my phone plan - let me call the provider. Shoot - my phone's not charged... Oh well - what happened to the electricity bill, you moron!?

I want to overcome this because - even though its an age where multi-tasking is the "in" thing (and that, I'm pretty good at) - I believe some things just need the focus and attention they do, and multi-tasking isn't the panacea for everything - you just can't be having breakfast when you're in the shower, can you? You can only sing :)

And I think the reason I digress so much is because I haven't found my calling, my passion! I don't have an ultimate dream, and I guess that's why my mind struggles to focus on the everyday little things, and searches for something I could hold on to...

3. Loneliness
Well, that's that. It is what it is - and as much as I try to connect with my friends here, I end up having this feeling evermore that I'm quite lonely! Nothing sad or pathetic, just that I do wish I was closer to all my friends whom I share amazing connections with. Distances really do matter here, because those coupled with my first two enemies, make it impossible to keep in touch with all my dearest people as much as I'd like :) I know they're really important to me, and I love them all immensely, I just wish there was a way to tell them that everyday, or a way to be with them oftener. I know I'll find my special one sometime (I am kind of a romancer that way :)), but the fact that I'll find them sometime doesn't make it any easier on me today, when I come home and there's no one to open the door for me. And I know life's not a fairy tale to be void of hardship or difficult times, but really, when once in a while I do feel bogged down by the cares of the world, I'd really appreciate a little helping hand from a friend or a shoulder to cry on - somewhere close. I hate myself when I curl up and cry alone - but really, the weird part is - I still can't connect with anyone who's near me!

Phew! I feel exhausted and relieved at the same time :) First step - identify your enemies. Check. Second step - Go fight them off. I do, everyday, and will continue to, till I know I am better than them, that they can never bother me again, or if they ever do, I'll have the strength and repertoire of tools to curb them yet again :) Amen!

From my heart, to yours...

Its been a really really long time since I wrote anything - here's something directly from my heart... for my soulmate :)

I want to send a wish your way,

For I’ve been thinking of you all day!

Let there be loud laughter in your life,

Showers of joy, let there be no strife

The wings of a bird, to soar in the sky,

Spread them wide, in glory may you fly

May you be kind to all around you –

Generous of spirit, like you’re to me too!

Let there be a hand that you can count on,

To soothe your fears, when you want to hold on

Let there be friends, for nothing’s greater than those,

A lifelong treasure – one you’ll never lose!

May there be spring – the season of abundance;

A wonderful partner for a passionate dance

And my greatest wish is for love in your heart,

For the soul that loves you from miles apart!

Both sides

Sometimes, I enter a state of mind where things hardly make sense... Words, I would think, hardly heal the tears and anguish of the past... of love long lost that returns to sting... and yet, there's an inexplicable solace in these words of Joni Mitchell...

Rows and Flows of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere
I've looked at clouds that way

But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on everyone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way

I've looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's cloud illusions I recall
I really don't know clouds at all

Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way you feel
As every fairy tale comes real
I've looked at love that way

But now it's just another show
You leave 'em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know
Don't give yourself away

I've looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
It's love's illusions I recall
I really don't know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say "I love you" right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
I've looked at life that way

Oh but now old friends are acting strange
They shake their heads, they tell me that I've changed
Well something's lost but something's gained
In living every day

I've looked at life from both sides now
From WIN and LOSE and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all

I've looked at life from both sides now
From up and down and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all


... There really is no excuse for the way I feel... and yet, as the song says, its all about two sides...

Appreciation or Attachment?

One of my best friends is a follower of the "Secret" philosophy (for the uninitiated, see their official website). In fact, he is getting so in tune with the teachings and exponents of The Secret, that I wouldn't be surprised at all if he is recognized as a master soon! 


Why this preamble? Indeed, because my narrative spins off of a "teaching" that he sent me and another of our close friends. It talked about the feelings of appreciation and gratitude versus attachment. It has set me thinking. The gist of the thought was that one must learn to distinguish between appreciation and attachment. We should be grateful for and appreciative  of all the things that enrich our life, but we must refrain from feeling attached to them. Sounds beautiful, ideal, simple and yet, I find it difficult to digest in some inexplicable way.


I do agree with the precept when it concerns things in our life that are considered luxuries.  For example, we must never let ourselves be attached to our riches, our money. Enjoy them, yes, we must! We should also be thankful for them, but not indulge in them to the extent that if we don't have it tomorrow, we find ourselves in the darkest deepest abyss of despair. The thought naturally extends to all our worldly possessions too. 


In explanatory justification of this principle, the authors (and my two dear friends) cited the fact that if we are too attached to a thing or person, we instantly have fears of losing it. This leads us to be in constant agony instead of appreciating the value of that thing or person in our life. Just like the principle itself, this sounds ideal and beautiful, yet I beg to differ a little. Per my point above, I do agree this might be true about all the luxuries and comforts in our lives - the things. But people, I believe are a different category altogether. I cannot bring myself to understand how we can just be appreciative of a person (a loved one) without being attached to them.


Here's a concrete example - everyday in our lives, we interact with many people. We know people at work, we have friends (some more than others) and we have families. I have a great team at work - and I really appreciate being a part of it. I appreciate that my bosses are understanding, intelligent and encouraging; and my team is healthy and helpful. However, I would be stretching reality if I said I was attached to them. I definitely am thankful, but equally definitely am not attached. Now contrast that with my family - my mom, dad, sister and my best friends (the very friends I have mentioned above!). Do you see the difference? Isn't there a fundamental change in reality somewhere? I am not only grateful for them, but I feel attached to them, because they have shaped me in some way at some point, they have influenced me, and their presence contributes to complete my existence as I know and understand it. I cannot classify this feeling as just gratefulness, its definitely something beyond and akin to attachment. 


Of course I will despair if I lose any of them! And that, I think, is the essence of loving. What is love if passion is missing from it? Love arising out of gratefulness is true, but so is the love you feel for someone that you cannot think of losing! And in my opinion, I am actually thankful that I can distinguish the two and yet feel both. I wouldn't ever want to give up my attachment to my loved ones, just because that would cause me less pain one day. Well, to put it frankly, I think if we can't feel pain about anything or anyone in life, we have ceased to be humans.


And finally, I feel like a mention of that "fear of losing" is a good place to conclude. For the same people that I cited above, though I cannot think of ever losing any one of them, I can confidently say that I am never in constant fear of losing them! That apparently is the source of all misery and doom when you attach yourself. I have a different story to tell, from my own experience. Maybe I am not as effective as the Secret, but yes, I do want this side to be heard as well :) My appreciation for these special people in my life springs from my attachment, and I feel blessed each day that I have all of them with me.


My friend quoted the ultimate reality from the "Bhagwad Geeta", where Lord Krishna says - nothing is permanent and one day, all that is good or bad will end - and so long as we know and accept the ephemeral nature of our and others' existence, I do think we should be able to feel both appreciation and attachment for at least one special person in our life :)

Of times - Old and New

Its Monday, and I got up earlier than usual - probably because I slept like a log over the weekend and that's about all the rest my body needs! Well, its sure fun to wake up to the realization that you have those extra 20 minutes to browse your favorite websites and catch up on your social network(s) just a wee bit longer :) I would never have guessed I was going to spend those precious minutes composing this. But hey, a spur-of-the-moment impulse is far more genuine and "dil-se" than a planned out precis!

What makes me write this is that on our beloved Facebook, I saw an update of a friend of mine who joined a community... "You are 10 and you have an iphone and a facebook page, when I was 10 I had a coloring book and crayons"... or some such. So what's the big deal, you say! I say, I wonder about this thought a lot - a commonplace human thought - which in my opinion is unnecessary and inherently erroneous. We notice change everywhere around us each day, by the ticking of the clock, and yet we are so averse to accepting the bigger picture - that times change, and newer generations will always grow to be savvier than the older ones!

Isn't the same true about me, for example? If I had a coloring book and crayons when I was ten, my parents and grandparents probably thought I was the luckiest child in the world. My parents did not even have a single pair of shoes when they were 10, and my grandma was probably married to my grandpa at that age! I write this because I question the very essence of this thought, or notion, or statement, or whatever it is. Is it something so difficult to grasp? I think not :) And more so, is it something fair to say? Again, I think not too! Each new generation must grow and live with the ways of the world as they are when they exist. And if we as humans continue to make new additions to our technologies, our innovations, then it is but expected that these will be adopted by the youth. 

What I care about more than the fact that I didn't have my own internet page (and did not even know the term "internet") at ten, is that, technology or not, savvy or not, crayons or iphone, we need to take care (as responsible human beings) that we are not killing the innocence of the new generation. Its fine for a 10-year-old to have access to the net, so long as they don't wander to its dark side. And that, I believe, is the crux of the problem. Newer generations and older generations will never see eye to eye on what they own or have access to at which age! But what we need to ensure is that we imbibe the same human value system in every generation - so that a 10-year-old can still know how to say "Hi, How are you?" to his elder (or younger) sibling, instead of using their iphone to text them the same :)

I, Me, Myself

A really funny story behind the title When a stone goes miles - So a few days ago, it was my 25th birthday :) Some call it the quarter-life crisis; but lets not stray. Life has enough crises without adding a new one! ... So my sister says to me during our phone conversation, "That's a milestone!". "Yes," I think, "I like milestone. Definitely not crisis!" And that's when my father interjects from behind her... "Yes. Milestone. The stone has gone miles!". Hilarious :) My sis and I were completely thrown off. I liked it so much, that I've shared it with my best of friends - and they appreciated the joke too (knowing me!) - and so here it is. The title of my blog!


Disclaimer: Read at your own risk. Its I, Me, Myself here on ;)


Why the hell am I blogging? I am thinking to myself even as I compose this. I have thought this and munched over it for long (that's what I tend to do as I make any decision!); and I have come up with three excellent reasons

• I love to express myself
• This would be my sweet life documented - and I'd love to have that when I'm gaga and can't remember my own name
• It promotes self-introspection and self-improvement - for those that are skeptically raising their eyebrows or pooh-poohing this, well, go right ahead! You'll see :)

What's in it for me? Everything! I plan it to be my diary, a written account of my experiences, my thoughts, my opinions - in short, my life from my own viewpoint. Modern technology has released us from the necessity of a fountain pen and a notebook; and though I don't question the romance of a hand-written diary, I definitely opt for the digital. Its fast (life's fast now-a-days, no?), less cumbersome (laziness is ingrained in me ;)) and of course more convenient (think of backspace versus crossing out words when you think of better ones!). 

What's in it for you, the reader? Again, everything! Since a reader is interested in reading interesting stories, you won't be disappointed. I believe everyone of us has a story to tell (such a platitude! Nevertheless... true :)). I also believe I have the gift of expression. Put the two together, and what the astute reader will conclude is that I'll tell interesting stories about my experiences. Interesting is a promise - as I myself will be reading these.

Which brings me to my (speedy) conclusion of this post - I plan this blog to be a dialogue. A conversation. I have many personalities living inside of me. Each has its own feelings and attitudes. Each has its merits and its fallacies. Let the dialogue ensue and inform my growth as an individual :) 

To you, the reader, welcome to my world! I hope you accompany me on this wonderful journey as it unfolds, and enrich my life with your presence and participation. May the force of Love be with you always :)